Seeking the Inner Good: A Leadership Reflection on Behavior, Judgment, and Joy

By Jennifer Kozel | The Gravara Group — Clarity. Courage. Growth.

Barnyard to Boardroom Series

What is your impression?

To an untrained eye, it might have looked chaotic or even dangerous. But I smiled, knowing what I was seeing. No anger, disobedience, or defiance. Just joy — energy released into the world. They were feeling good, expressing life.

As I watched them, I thought about how easily we misunderstand behavior — in horses, in people, and even in ourselves. When a horse acts out, I don’t label it as “bad.” I look for the cause. Is it pain? Fear? Confusion? Curiosity or Joy? A reaction to past trauma or something in their environment? Their behavior is communication — an invitation to understand what’s happening beneath the surface.

Humans aren’t so different.

I thought of my teenage daughter, whose bright spirit and neurodiversity often make her burst out laughing at the wrong moment or push limits when she can’t contain her creativity. Her exuberance, like the horses’, comes from a beautiful place. Yet, she’s often corrected, told to quiet down, or disciplined for “disruptive” behavior. The intention is rarely defiance; it’s simply life overflowing the container she’s trying to fit into.

And that made me wonder…

How often do we, as leaders, parents, or peers, mistake another’s energy for insolence — when it’s really expression, pain, or unmet needs?

In the workplace, we’re quick to label and categorize.
The employee who challenges ideas becomes “difficult.”
The one who asks too many questions is “high-maintenance.”
The one who withdraws under pressure is “unmotivated.”

Yet when we pause long enough to look deeper, we often find something else entirely: a person seeking clarity, safety, or connection. A person who wants to do well but doesn’t yet feel seen or understood- somebody who doesn’t fit into the container we are trying to put them into.

Leadership isn’t about condoning poor behavior — it’s about seeking understanding before judgment and responding appropriately.

Just as a skilled horse trainer observes before reacting to unruly horse behavior, great leaders ask: What’s really happening here? What pain or need might be beneath the surface?

That doesn’t mean ignoring accountability. It means holding it in balance with compassion. It means creating environments where curiosity comes before criticism — where people can learn, adjust, and grow instead of being written off as “bad.”

We talk about love and grace in our communities and faith traditions — how everyone is inherently good. Yet, even in those sacred spaces, judgment can be seen regarding someone’s appearance, background, or beliefs. We humans have a hard time living what we preach.

So, what does it take to reach that next level of being human — the one where we become better stewards of our workplaces, our relationships, and our shared world?

Maybe it starts with seeking the inner good — in others, and in ourselves. What must happen within us for us to see past different points of view, backgrounds, and faiths?

It’s choosing to see beyond what’s visible. To respond with curiosity instead of criticism. To recognize that pain and joy are shared experiences of the living, not reasons for living separately.

What goodness do I see?

As the horses galloped away, I felt the ground shake under my boots — a reminder that raw, unfiltered energy isn’t always neat, but it’s real, and it can be beautiful! They weren’t misbehaving. They were celebrating the feeling of being alive. And maybe that’s what we all need a little more permission to do: to be seen in our full, imperfect, expressive selves.

So, the next time someone’s behavior catches you off guard — in the barn, at home, or at work — pause before reacting, judging, or labeling and ask yourself:

What is beneath this behavior?

What goodness do I see within?

Because when we seek the inner good, we begin to lead — and live — from a higher place.